Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
