sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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