Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
