Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
