Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
