ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
