Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
