Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
