It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
