I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
