I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
