I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
