a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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