I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
