Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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