I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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