It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
