I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
