I am in a vortex of obligation.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
