You're my little dorito
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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