barbara walters just said penis...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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