All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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