Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
