I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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