My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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