I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
