I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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