so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
