just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
