Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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