sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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