Your tits are I can't wait for
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
