I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
