Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
