I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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