You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
