My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
