Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My bed smells like the plague
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
