The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
