i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
