My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
