it wasn't lemon gatorade
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
