well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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