There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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