So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
