I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize