yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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