So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
