He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
