I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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